O x y m o r o n s - Humor

O x y m o r o n s

1. Is it good if
a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand
On the watch
Called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled
In the dictionary,
How would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary,
Where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack?
What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and
"slow up" mean the same thing?

7.. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance"
Mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing
"Take me out to the ball game"
When we are already there?

10. Why are they called " stands"
When they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark"
When it really is "after light"?

12.. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected"
Make the unexpected expected?

13.. Why are a "wise man" and
A "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee"
Mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics"
Not spelled
The way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific,
Why do they have to pay you to do it?

17.. If all the world is a stage,
Where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind,
Why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed
And have dyslexia,
Can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular
And panties plural?

21.. Why do you press harder
On the buttons of a remote control
When you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags
And garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated
Is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels?
Aren't we clean when we use them?

25.. Why doesn't glue
Stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set
When you only have one?

27. Christmas
- What other time of the year
Do you sit in front of a dead tree
And eat candy out of your socks?

28. Why do we drive on a parkway
And park on a driveway?
I dunno, why do we?



 

Biden may be interim president by the end of 2012

Subject: FW: Biden may be interim president by the end of 2012

Biden may be interim president by the end of 2012

This is interesting...Snopes seems to be ignoring the latest revelation -- BG

VERY QUIETLY OBAMA'S CITIZENSHIP CASE REACHES THE SUPREME COURT AP -

WASHINGTON D.C.

In a move certain to fuel the debate over Obama's qualifications for

the presidency, the group "Americans for Freedom of Information" has

Released copies of President Obama's college transcripts from

Occidental College ... Released today, the transcript school indicates

that Obama, under the name Barry Soetoro, received financial aid as a

foreign student from Indonesia as an undergraduate. The transcript was

released by Occidental College in compliance with a court order in a

suit

 brought by the group in the Superior Court of California. The

transcript shows that Obama (Soetoro) applied for financial aid and

was awarded a fellowship for foreign students from the Fulbright

Foundation Scholarship program. To qualify, for the scholarship, a

student must claim foreign citizenship.

This document would seem to provide the smoking gun that many of

Obama's detractors have been seeking. Along with the evidence that he

was first born in Kenya and there is no record of him ever applying

for US citizenship, this is

 looking pretty grim. The news has created

a firestorm at the White House as the release casts increasing doubt

about Obama's legitimacy and qualification to serve as President

article titled, "Obama Eligibility Questioned," leading some to

speculate that the story may overshadow economic issues on Obama's

first

 official visit to the U.K. In a related matter, under growing

pressure from several groups, Justice Antonin Scalia announced that

the Supreme Court agreed on Tuesday to hear arguments concerning

Obama's legal eligibility to serve as President in a case brought by

Leo Donofrio of New Jersey . This lawsuit claims Obama's dual c

itizenship disqualified him from serving as president.. Donofrio's

case is just one of 18 suits brought by citizens demanding proof of

Obama's citizenship or qualification to serve as president.

Gary Kreep of the United States Justice Foundation has released the

results of their

 investigation of Obama's campaign spending. This

study estimates that Obama has spent upwards of $950,000 in campaign

funds in the past year with eleven law firms in 12 states for legal

resources to block disclosure of any of his personal records. Mr.

Kreep indicated that the investigation is still ongoing but that the

final report will be provided to the U.S. Attorney general, Eric

Holder. Mr. Holder has refused to comment on the matter...

LET OTHER FOLKS KNOW THIS NEWS, THE MEDIA WON'T!

Subject: RE: Issue of Passport? While I've little interest in getting

in the middle of the Obama birth issue, Paul Hollrah over at FSM did

so yesterday and believes the issue can be

 resolved by Obama answering

one simple question: What passport did he use when he was shuttling

between New York , Jakarta , and Karachi ?

So how did a young man who arrived in New York in early June 1981,

without the price of a hotel room in his pocket, suddenly come up with

the price of a round-the-world trip just a month later?

And once he was on a plane, shuttling between New York , Jakarta , and

Karachi , what passport was he offering when he passed through Customs

and Immigration?

The American people not only deserve to have answers to these

questions, they must have answers. It makes the debate over Obama's

citizenship a rather short and simple one.

Q: Did he travel to Pakistan in 1981, at age 20? A : Yes, by his own

 admission.

Q: What passport did he travel under?

A: There are only three possibilities.

1) He traveled with a U.S. Passport,

2) He traveled with a British passport,

 or

3) He traveled with an Indonesia passport.

Q: Is it possible that Obama traveled with a U.S. Passport in 1981?

A: No. It is not possible. Pakistan was on the U.S. State Department's

"no travel" list in 1981.

Conclusion: When Obama went to Pakistan in 1981 he was traveling

either with a British passport or an Indonesian passport. If he were

traveling with a British passport that would provide proof that he was

born in Kenya on August 4, 1961, not in

 Hawaii as he claims.. And if

he were traveling with an Indonesian

 passport that would tend to prove

that he relinquished whatever previous citizenship he held, British or

American, prior to being adopted by his Indonesian step-father in

1967.

Whatever the

 truth of the matter, the American people need to know how

he managed to become a "natural born" American citizen between 1981

and 2008.

Given the destructive nature of his plans for America, as illustrated

by his speech before Congress and the disastrous spending plan he has

presented to Congress, the sooner we learn the truth of all this, the

better.

If you Don't care that Your President is not a natural born Citizen

and in Violation of the Constitution, then Delete this, and then lower

your American Flag to half-staff, because the U.S. Constitution is

already on life-support, and won't survive much longer . If you do

care then Forward this to as many patriotic Americans as you can,

because our country is being

 looted and ransacked!

Fire Boehner. Hire Donald J. Trump For House Speaker!

Subject: Fire Boehner. Hire Donald J. Trump For House Speaker!

Congressman John Boehner has failed to lead as Speaker of the House.   America needs a House Speaker that will stand up to special interest groups and the liberal agenda. You may not be aware that you don't have to be a member of Congress or nominated by a political party to be the House Speaker.    That is why we are recommending Donald J. Trump for Speaker of United States House.  Could you imagine Trump running the House of Representatives?  Do you think the "fiscal cliff" talks would be different with President Obama? Click Here To Sign Our Petition Visit FLORIDA TEA PARTY - The Grassroots Florida Tea Party at: http://floridateaparty.ning.com/?xg_source=msg_mes_network To control which emails you receive on FLORIDA TEA PARTY - The Grassroots Florida Tea Party, click here

Tom Cryer wins! --- Income tax is Unlawful

Subject: Tom Cryer wins!

http://www.wnd.com/2007/07/42749/

Tom Cryer has worked his arse off, for years, to prove the Income Tax is unlawful.

He has fought off every intimidation possible.

A few days ago ... IN FRONT OF A JURY OF 12 (note!) - he argued his case and was found NOT GUILTY of withholding Income Tax ... BY 12-0 ... I'LL REPEAT THAT: UNANIMOUS!

This is what happens when a Jury has things explained properly to it.

Someday they will create a statue (NOT STATUTE!) to that guy.

Yes ... this is America. But America was founded on English Common Law ... and Income Tax is Income Tax is Income Tax ... the world over. The exact same arguments apply universally.

Application/Collection of Income Tax is CRIMINAL. Always has been. Always will be.

This is NOT "just to get out of paying it". It is because it is a "point of Principle" It is because "it turns ordinary, decent, people into SLAVES for the entirety of their working lives".

I recently received a letter from HMRC, reminding me that they had written to me in September, asking for information. Obviously I just binned it. In their letter, last week, they repeated their requests for information.

I took a sheet of paper, and printed the following on it, stapled it to their letter, and posted it all back.

Here's my reply:

"Please supply a copy the LAWFUL Contract, containing both Your Wet Signature & My Wet Signature, wherein which I AGREED to be OBLIGED to answer any of your questions.

Said Contract will also show YOUR Contractual Consideration, in return for My Personal Information.

Either that, or go fuck yourself."

Vxxx

Secret Intel Move Replaces CIA – “Lie Machine”

Press TV: Secret Intel Move Replaces CIA – “Lie Machine”

US intel agencies killing innocents around the globe

By Gordon Duff and Press TV

“We have seen it with our veterans, the “crusader armies” sent out to strike down the terror armies responsible for 9/11.  When America sent out her warriors, her “chosen,” little were they aware they were as those who had gone before, those “chosen” to be used up, discarded and despised.”

Related Interviews:

• ‘Israel defense systems not working well’
• ‘Media deny information to Americans’

There has been a war inside the American intelligence community between two factions. On one side, a war between the “technogeeks,” those who spy from afar, who plot, who fabricate, who imagine, who create intelligence, not based on the reality of the world but on the needs of the powerful, the need to “certify lies” and those who would restore a human equation.
If it serves “money” and power for the “geek squad” to say Iran is making nuclear weapons or that a man in a cave defeated America’s air defenses, if it serves “money” to talk of weapons that don’t exist and terror groups that “never were,” the “geek squad” simply makes it up.
This is what the CIA has become, a largely privatized system of “brown nosers” and paid liars, manufacturing a reality that never existed, sending America’s vast military power spinning in circles, eventually toward ruin and defeat.
Once, long ago, intelligence involved people, talking, listening, learning, finding threats but also recognizing opportunities as well.
I saw it in Vietnam, we learned what the people felt, what they wanted, how they valued peace and freedom, we learned but nobody listened.
Instead, we bombed. Today we war with robot planes called “drones,” whose only purpose is to prove to a world in need of a human face that America has no human face.
Now, today, there is a challenge to the “geeks,” a move to send abroad an army of spies, seen as a threat to the world by many but those of us “in the community” know better.
The CIA’s “lie machine” will, inevitably be seduced, be overtaken, be defeated by an enemy they could never understand. That enemy is understanding, learning, seeing and touching the real world, not glaring from afar.
So often, I turn to H.G. Wells and his quote from War of the Worlds:
“No one would have believed…that this world was being watched keenly and closely by intelligences greater than man’s and yet as mortal as his own; that as men… were scrutinised and studied, perhaps almost as narrowly as a man with a microscope might scrutinise the transient creatures that swarm and multiply in a drop of water. Yet across the gulf of space, minds that are to our minds as ours are to those of the beasts that perish, intellects vast and cool and unsympathetic, regarded this earth with envious eyes, and slowly and surely drew their plans against us.”
And so it was with the “Masters of the Universe,” with their satellites and drones, sitting on their fat behinds in Washington or London or Tel Aviv, ordering death, “wholesale” death at “bargain basement prices,” a cluster bomb here, a Hellfire missile there, all from afar, all controlled from an air-conditioned cockpit or a hand on a joystick thousands of miles away.
What has not been planned for, what is not foreseen, as those who remember the “old ways” are long since put out to pasture, is the “touch of humanity.”
America’s 11,000 “newborn spies” will drink tea and hear the laughter of children.
The “intelligence community” has a word for such things since they can dehumanize anything. They call it “atmospherics.”
To human beings, it is called “life.”
Some of us who are still around know the “old ways.” We knew the Vietnamese people because we harvested rice beside them, knew their children, we saw their pain, their joy.
The greatest privileges of my life have been the nights spent around the fire with people who shared their meager meals, who offered friendship and hospitality and expected only the same in return.
Each such experience was like being reborn, relearning humanity in the midst of war, there are always wars, I watch more growing around us as we sit and read my simple words, some “low intensity conflicts,” others that can rage out of control and end the future for us all.
They are coming, America’s army of spies, dropping amongst the people of the world, programmed with suspicion and bellicosity, unaware that the world has plans for them they could never imagine.
Those that have watched so long wonder if some hand of fate has reached out. Those of us who watched America become delusional, become insular, ridden with bigotry, race hatred, envy and suspicion, a nation fed on lies, steeped in bizarre mythologies meant to foster a worldview that served the enslavement of all, we now feel a tingle of hope.
We have seen it with our veterans, the “crusader armies” sent out to strike down the terror armies responsible for 9/11.
When America sent out her warriors, her “chosen,” little were they aware they were as those who had gone before, those “chosen” to be used up, discarded and despised.
You see, soldiers become “veterans,” a group our Malthusian overlords look upon as “useless eaters,” a burden on the social fabric, perhaps even a threat, angry, trained to kill and, for those who learned to know truth from lies, a group increasingly looking so much closer to home for America’s real enemies.
As real warriors became increasingly aware they were little but fodder for profiteers, wars for drugs, wars for oil, war for entropy alone, it became necessary to scour the land for new “believers.”
They were there, the newly poor, the victims of the carefully engineered economic collapse, they would fight, but there were others to target.
Today, thousands of members of gangs, the criminal organizations that infect every region of America, that make up an ever growing criminal class, this is where recruiters are now seeking the soldiers to fight the wars of ignorance, the wars the “geeks” have orchestrated for their masters.
It eventually became that way in Vietnam so many years ago, when no one was left, and America emptied her prisons into the military. The results are as we see now, thousands of rapes, murders, military bases that are, in fact, more dangerous to those stationed on them than any combat zone.
Maybe this will change, not all at once but the magic word to the real intelligence officer is “humint,” which means “human intelligence.”
Humint means learning real facts from real people, people who eat and worship and work, people with families and lives, not the cartoon cutouts the propagandized media has fed to America for decade upon decade.
You see, spies are the eyes and ears of every nation. They can’t make those who govern human, they can’t make them moral but they can end the flow of lies used to justify a decade of kidnapping and torture, a decade of robotic wholesale slaughter of an “enemy” dehumanized by the “geeks” that invented “Al Qaeda,” who demonize Iran, who call every man and woman of courage and moral certainty a “terrorist.”
Your “spy” is coming. Make him a cup of tea and break bread together.
Seduce America with humanity and goodness; you cannot imagine how much soullessness has to be overcome.
http://www.veteranstoday.com/2012/12/06/press-tv-secret-intel-move-replaces-cia-lie-machine/

Britain MI6 Behind Assassination of Iran Nuclear Scientists: Analyst

Britain MI6 behind assassination of Iran nuclear scientists: Analyst

By Press TV and Gordon Duff, Senior Editor

“Let us be clear. MI6’s only operations in Iran have been to give assistance to the teams of assassins, assumed to be Israeli or CIA, that have killed a number of [Iran's nuclear] scientists, often with family members.”..Military Analyst Gordon Duff

An American military analyst says Britain’s foreign intelligence agency, MI6 has facilitated assassination of Iranian nuclear scientists in cahoots with the Western media machine.

In an article published on Press TV website, Gordon Duff said when the MI6 chief, John sawyers, spoke to British civil servants this week about his operational success in preventing Iran building nuclear weapons; he was in fact alluding to assassination of Iranian scientists.
“Let us be clear. MI6’s only operations in Iran have been to give assistance to the teams of assassins, assumed to be Israeli or CIA, that have killed a number of [Iran's nuclear] scientists, often with family members,” he added.
Duff stated that this is not the first time that MI6 has been implicated in murder cases involving scientists.
“It wasn’t that long ago, that MI6 was exposed for its own transgressions, two murder cover-ups, Gareth Williams and Dr. David Kelly, hardly minor mistakes and that their organization along with those they took instructions from had been pushed into unfounded assumptions about Iran.”
The analyst said the main party which promotes such unfounded assumptions about Iran is the Western media machine and most notoriously, the news empire run by the Zionist media mogul, Rupert Murdoch.
“Murdoch is an Israeli citizen, member of the Likudist Party, an ultra-nationalist group that supports war with Iran, closer relations with Russia and works hand in hand with Israel’s massive arms industry that has made billions on wars,” he said.
Duff concluded that Murdoch’s media is currently banking on the false intelligence provided by MI6 that “Iran is two years from having a nuclear bomb” in order to convince the world public opinion about launching a new war with Iran.
Assassination of Iranian nuclear scientists, he said, is just a piece of a bigger puzzle created by the British and American warmongers in their effort to stymie Iran’s technological and scientific progress; a goal they are bent on achieving even at the cost of innocent lives or a new war in the Middle East region.
http://www.veteranstoday.com/2012/07/20/britain-mi6-behind-assassination-of-iran-nuclear-scientists-analyst/

WND EXCLUSIVE

BENGHAZI BUNGLE AN ATTEMPT TO ADVANCE ISLAM?

Analyst says impromptu Obama decision twisted terror attack details

Published: 11 hours ago

 by TAYLOR ROSE Email | Archive

Taylor Rose is a Washington, D.C., staff reporter for WND.

 Subscribe to author feed

• 
• Text smaller
• Text bigger

8815

Ads by Google

• LA Auto Show DebutsSee why critics are talking about all-new 2014 Mazda6 sedan.www.MazdaUSA.com

WASHINGTON – The Obama administration may be trying to use the al-Qaida terror attacks on U.S. operations in Benghazi, Libya, to advance a growing global movement to protect Islam from criticism, according to one expert.

The issue is the “defamation of religions” resolution pending at the United Nations.  It was introduced by Islamic nations and coalitions to criminalize any negative reference to Islam or Muslims.

Ads by Google

• Best price on Iraqi DinarLow Prices with 45 Day Layaway and 5% deposit. A+ BBB Rated.www.sterlingcurrencygroup.com
• "Silver Bounce Coming"Here's What to Do After Silver's Correction is Over. See New Report:www.Sovereign-Investor.com

Clare Lopez, a strategic policy and intelligence expert with a focus on the Middle East, national defense, WMD, and counterterrorism, said that after the attack that killed Ambassador Chris Stevens and three others, the Obama administration made an impromptu decision to advance the Islamic agenda item it already had endorsed.

“The Obama administration, and especially the Department of State led by Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, are coordinating closely with the [Organization of the Islamic Conference] to achieve implementation of U.N. Human Rights Commission Resolution 16/18, which despite some cosmetic wording changes, remains the vehicle through which the OIC is determined to work toward the criminalization of the criticism of Islam in U.S. law,” she said.

She also has specific areas of expertise in Iraq and Iran, having spent 20 years with the CIA. Now a private consultant, she is vice president of The Intelligence Summit and is professor at the Center for Counterintelligence and Security Studies.

Her comments came at an Endowment for Middle East Truth panel discussion recently  concerning the OIC’s repeated demand to punish those who criticize Islam in U.N. member nations. The OIC is a coalition of 57 Islamic states, including the Palestinian Authority.

After almost a decade of negotiations between the OIC and Western powers, the U.N. resolution no longer has specific references to blasphemy and Islam. It now has more generic language, with hate-speech style references.

The original Obama narrative on the Benghazi attack, quickly proven to be false, was that the violence was caused by a spontaneous crowd protesting an anti-Islam YouTube video called “Innocence of Muslims.”

Lopez said the Obama administration’s “stubborn adherence to the false narrative of the YouTube film, ‘Innocence of Muslims,’ for so long after the 11 September 2012 attack on the Benghazi mission is inexplicable except in the context of a globally coordinated campaign through the OIC and U.S. Muslim Brotherhood affiliates to advance the anti-free speech agenda of U.N. Resolution 16/18.”

Lopez said the administration’s aim not only is to support the passage of U.N. Resolution 16/18 but to attempt to move Middle East policy in a direction that favors jihadist states.

“Official U. S. policy now is to assist al-Qaida, the Muslim Brotherhood and other jihadists to overthrow what have been termed ‘unfaithful Arab/Muslim rulers’ who failed to enforce Islamic law (shariah) … and to replace them with jihadist Muslim Brotherhood leadership that has pledged its commitment to re-establishment of the Caliphate and strict implementation of Shariah,” she said.

Lopez said the change in policy is a consequence of infiltration of Islamist operatives in the United States government.

“It is likely that such drastic and detrimental changes to U.S. national security strategy can be attributed at least in part to the extensive infiltration of MB operatives as advisers and appointees within the Obama administration and throughout cabinet departments … and on down even to local law enforcement levels,” she said.

She said the OIC “is determined to work towards the criminalization of the criticism of Islam in U.S. law.”

While she said the First Amendment is posing a stumbling block, she believes the OIC and Obama will expand on existing law that possesses broad language allowing for various interpretations.

“One of the tactics they appear to be considering is seeking to expand upon already-existing U.S. law that prohibits ‘imminent incitement to violence’ to impose a so-called ‘test of consequences’ on speech by American citizens,” she said.

She elaborates on the strategy by clarifying that “while currently the law stipulates that the actual content of the speech must include an explicit incitement to violence, the ‘test of consequences’ would instead assign a post ipso facto charge of guilt against someone who neither spoke nor intended ‘imminent violence’ and perhaps spoke only truth – but whose speech was interpreted at some time and place in the world by someone as ‘offensive’ and who then used that entirely subjective feeling of ‘offense’ as an excuse to go out and commit violence.”

WND reported several months ago when a representative of Obama’s Department of Justice repeatedly refused to answer a question from a member of Congress about the agency’s dedication to freedom of speech.

During a hearing by the House Constitution subcommittee, headed by Rep. Trent Franks, R-Ariz., Tom Perez of the DOJ’s civil rights office was asked: “Will you tell us here today simply that this administration’s Department of Justice will never entertain or advance a proposal that criminalizes speech against any religion.”

Jay Sekulow of the American Center for Law and Justice has called the U.N. defamation resolution “nothing more than an effort to achieve special protections for Islam – a move to stifle religious speech.”

The Human Rights First organization contends the idea violates fundamental freedom of expression.

Tad Stahnke of Human Rights First said the concept is “unfortunate for both individuals at risk whose rights will surely be violated under the guise of prohibiting ‘defamation of religions,’ as well as for the standards of international norms on freedom of expression.”

Carl Moeller, chief of Open Doors USA, told WND in an interview that the resolution “is a battle for our basic freedoms.”

“This is Orwellian in its deviousness,” he said. “To use language like the anti-defamation of a religion. It sounds like doublespeak worthy of Orwell’s ’1984′ because of what it really does.”

He said Muslim nations would use it as an endorsement of their attacks on Christians for statements as simple as their belief in the divinity of Jesus Christ, which Muslims consider an affront.

See Franks’ questions:

A key supporter of the criminalization effort is Turkish Prime Minister Recep Tayyip Erodgan, who advocates punishment for those who insult religions or prophets.

Read more at http://www.wnd.com/2012/12/benghazi-bungle-an-attempt-to-advance-islam/#9ku6m823k1Ksbfci.99