Civilization involves
Beer and the Wheel
You ‘history buffs’ probably knew this already.
BEER
AND THE WHEEL
The
two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the
invention of the wheel.
Beer
required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture.
Neither
the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans
were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to
the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
The
wheel was invented to get man to the beer and vice versa. These two were
the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the
splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1.
Liberals
2. Conservatives
Some
men spent their days tracking and killing animals to BBQ at night while they
were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative
movement.
Other
men who were less skilled at hunting (called 'vegetarians' which
was an early human word meaning 'bad hunter') learned to live
off the Conservatives by showing up for the nightly BBQ's and doing the sewing,
fetching and hair dressing. This
was the beginning of the liberal movement.
Some
of these liberal men evolved into women. Others became known as
girlie-men.
Some
noteworthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the
invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of democratic voting to
decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.
Over
the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful
land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass for
obvious reasons.
Modern
Liberals like lite beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or
imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi,
tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare.
Another
interesting evolutionary side note: many liberal women have higher testosterone
levels than their men.
Most
college professors, social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists,
film makers in Hollywood, group therapists and community organizers are
liberals.
Liberals
meddled in our national pastime and invented the designated hitter rule because
it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives
drink real beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women.
Conservatives
are members of the military, big game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks,
construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, engineers,
corporate executives, athletes, airline pilots, and generally anyone who works
productively.
Conservatives
who own companies hire other
Conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals
produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to
do with the production.
Liberals
believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the
liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. They
crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get
more for nothing.
Here
ends today's lesson in world history. It should be noted that a liberal may
have a momentary urge to angrily respond to this post.
A
Conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of
this history that it will be shared immediately to other true believers and to
just piss-off more liberals.
And there you have it. Let your next action reveal your true self. I'm going to grab a few beers and grill some steaks!
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