TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

BLESSED ARE THE CRACKED, FOR THEY LET IN THE LIGHT!

TWENTY-NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE 1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't. 2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 3. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them. 4. I used to have a handle on life,but it broke . 5. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. 6. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me 7. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder . 8. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe . 9. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.    10. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes .   11. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine. 12. God must love stupid people; He made so many. 13. The gene pool could use a little chlorine. 14. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 15. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?   16. Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it! 1 7. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up . 18 . Procrastinate Now! 19. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That? 20. A hangover is the wrath of grapes. 21. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance. 22. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere! 23. They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken . 24 . He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD. 25. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory. 26 . Ham and eggs... A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig. (how true) 27. The trouble with life is there's no background music . 28. The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson. 29. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on . Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!   Life is too short and friends are too few !