A guide to keeping the political
news as reported by our newspapers in perspective:
1. The Wall Street
Journal is read by the people who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is
read by people who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is
read by people who think they should run the country, and who are very good at
crossword puzzles
4. USA Today is
read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really
understand The New York Times. They do, however, like their statistics shown in
pie charts
5. The Los Angeles Times is
read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could find the
time -- and if they didn't have to leave Southern California to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is
read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a poor job of it,
thank you very much.
7. The New York Daily
News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country
and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is
read by people who don't care who is running the country as long as they do
something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The Chicago Tribune is
read by people who are in prison, who used to run the state, & would like
to do so again, as would their constituents who are currently free on bail.
10. The Miami Herald is
read by people who are running another country, but need the baseball scores.
11. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by
people who aren't sure if there is a country or that anyone is running it; but
if so, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if
the leaders are gay, handicapped, minority, feminist, atheist dwarfs who also
happen to be illegal aliens from any other country or galaxy, provided of
course, that they are not Republicans.
12. The National Enquirer is
read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
13. The Seattle
Times is read by people who have recently caught a fish and need
something to wrap it in.
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