Friday, March 9, 2012

ALERT - A SIMPLIFIED LIST OF MONSANTO OWNED COMPANIES TO AVOID.

Subject: ALERT - A SIMPLIFIED LIST OF MONSANTO OWNED COMPANIES TO AVOID. Only 1 page to print and carry while shopping. «

All  Poison  Food  To  Avoid :

http://indianinthemachine.wordpress.com/2012/03/04/here-is-a-simplified-list-of-monsanto-owned-companies-to-avoid-only-1-page-to-print-and-carry-while-shopping/

Dinars - De La Rue Machine video

For those of you who have Iraqi Dinar, please view the following brief demonstration of the De La Rue Machine and its purpose of verifying the authenticity of your currency.  Also please note the explanation.  
 
I do not know the origin of this video, nor the writer of the recommendation within, but am passing it on for your information and consideration.
 
The Dinar is a “Currency” whose value transfers to the person who holds it.  Beware releasing it into the hands of others without receiving proper value in return.  Do not let it out of your personal “Eyes on” sight without receiving a “Validation” of the authenticity of your deposit.  A deposit slip for “Electronic Funds” does not necessarily validate your deposit, if the agency (bank) should wish to later declare that the currency deposited was counterfeit or non-valid.  You would have no standing in rebutting such a claim.
 
What you currently hold will potentially be worth Millions of U.S. Dollars.  Do not treat it lightly.  Trust, BUT Verify!  The author of this document suggests that you receive the signatures of high level bank personnel on your deposit and a statement of the validation of your currency.  Watch the video, it simply shows the machine that should be used to verify your currency.  
De La Rue is the U.K. printer of the currency for Iraq and many other countries’ currencies.  Many of your banks and credit unions use a different U.S. currency De La Rue Machine to dispense your money when  you ask for cash back.  I have 5 local banks/Credit Unions with U.S. Dollar dispensing De La Rue machines at the teller station area.  Check it out.  
 
The video shows a model that is specifically used to Identify the Iraqi Dinar!   Scam?  Not on your life!  Many banks will only have a Human Visual verification using a standard Book of Currency identification methods.  The dinar has 5 or 6 features to validate it.  Specific embedded metal strip, holographic image, black light visible markings, etc.  BUT remember, if you don’t get a signed validation of it having been inspected, they could claim that some of them later turned out to be false.  You would have no means of challenging them.  Get the Signatures of validation and have witness’s signatures accompany them.
 
This seems harsh, but realize that ONE 25,000 Dinar note being rejected falsely, could be a loss of $150,000 dollars U.S.D. to you if it exchanges at $6 per dinar.  An unscrupulous bank person could skim one dinar note per transaction and become wealthy.  The bank may not be to blame, but you are dealing with human interfaces that have been told by their bosses that the dinar was a scam, now you are turning up to cash in what they lost out on the opportunity to achieve, by being lied to.
 
Temptations will be great, because these bills have no personal registration showing ownership, just payable upon demand to the bearer.
 
I hope this helps you prepare for your soon to be wealth.
Keith Flint


 
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
De La Rue Currency Verification Machine video


This is a 51 second video on how the De La Rue currency verification machine works; the video shows how it picks out a counterfeit dinar amidst legitimate dinar. Those exchange locations that do not have a machine may be set up to verify your dinar by hand. If not, do NOT let them take your dinar from you to send it away to another location for verification. Instead, find another location to exchange your dinar where they will verify it in front of you (do not let them take it out of your sight to verify it). Also, before you leave the office, have at least 2 managers sign a paper that says that they verified that all your dinar as legitimate. This protects you from them coming back later and saying it was not legitimate dinar and deducting it from your account.

http://vimeo.com/1976109 <http://vimeo.com/1976109>
<http://vimeo.com/1976109> <http://vimeo.com/1976109>   

Keith Flint
GodsWaterBoy!

Dinar Intel - More Info

Bulldog75:
11:15AM CST: OKIE/BULLDOG75: HI EVERYONE. UPDATE: AS WE MENTIONED LAST NIGHT, THE 12.36 USD TO IQD RATE WILL POST SOMETIMES LATER TODAY AFTER 2PM BANK ALIGNMENTS (BUT NOT NECESSARILY IMMEDIATELY THEREAFTER). THIS COULD GO INTO THE EVENING (THURSDAY) OR POSSIBLE EARLY TOMORROW (FRIDAY) DUE TO THE GARGANTUA MATHMATICAL COMPUTER DOWNLOADS OCCURING NOW AND “OPTIONAL CENTRAL BANK’S 24 HR READING / CONFIRMATION IMPLEMENTATION OF RATE VERIFICATIONS AROUND THE GLOBE”. WE ARE ON TARGET. SIT BACK AND RELAX. NO SWEATS, NO FRETS. EVERYONE IS SAFE. PERK PACKAGES ARE AVAILABLE AT CASH IN. THIS IS A COLLASAL EVENT AND WILL HAPPEN. LET THE BANKS PEACEFULLY DO THEIR JOB; NO CALLING TO THE BANKS PLEASE. ANYONE CASHING IN SHOULD HAVE THEIR ACCTS SET UP 24 HOURS PRIOR. THIS ‘RV’ OF 166 COUNTRIES IS HAPPENING NOW, THOUGH NO ONE CAN SEE IT VISUALLY ON THE FRONT TELLER SCREENS.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

> Date: Thu, 8 Mar 2012 20:39:12 -0500 
>  3:44 PM [Littlepaws] ..CAP1 Hey! Hearing that 5/3 has been expecting
> to cash out today and Chase and BofA are on high alert for after 4:00
> eastern (which is where we are). Also, reported that some banks are
> seeing the rate - hope they are all seeing it before long for sure!
>
> ncbizman] Cap1 I am thinking late tonight after all banks close
> regardless we are here and blessed  >> [..CAP1] ncbizman -THANKS. I
> KNOW YOU KNOW PEOPLE.
>
>
>
 4:42 PM [bluwolf] I personally will not inform of anything cause I
> want each and everyone of you to cash in tomorrow
> [bluwolf] the issues with the computers are no more
> [bluwolf] the banks are ready to go and are waiting just like us
> [bluwolf] confirmations on people cashing out in the U.K. is very true
> [bluwolf] and the rate that was inform by some is the true and high rate
>
> [bluwolf] all issues with the arrests of some high level individuals
> have been taken care off
> [bluwolf] and after all is over there will not be any cover ups
>  [bluwolf] I do not know if congratulation is in order but what the
> heck you guys are millionaires but you just do not know it as of yet
>
> [..CAP1] CAN YOU SAY MULTI-MILLIONAIRE!!
>
>  7:49 PM [bluwolf] so please relax and enjoy the rest of this ride,it
> will be over real soon
> 7:49 PM [bluwolf] for the most part it has been a privilege for me to
> serve you all
> 7:50 PM [bluwolf] and as of now I will not speak about our blessings
> until I get the phone call that is so anticipated
> 7:50 PM [bluwolf] Bluwolf out 7
> :51 PM [trini] bluwolf -Is this RV link to the greece bailout ??
> 7:52 PM [bluwolf] trini yes
> 7:52 PM [bluwolf] to all countries
> 7:58 PM [dinarholdup] bluwolf Is it true that when the rate goes live
> that the banks can hold for 24 hrs?
> 7:58 PM [bluwolf] dinarholdup they can hold it for


Iraqi Dinar, recently being said: ...

The Rumor Mill News Reading Room 

Iraqi Dinar, recently being said: ...
Posted By: hobie [Send E-Mail]
Date: Thursday, 8-Mar-2012 23:55:50

Hi, Folks -
Found at dinarguru.com:
=====

3-8-2012 Intel Guru TerryK I WAS ASKED BY ONE OF MY SOURCES TO GO QT [quiet?] FOR A FEW DAYS, SO I AGREEDED...I HAVE NOTHING NEW TONIGHT OTHER THAN ...CALLS TELLING ME TONIGHT MAY BE OUR NIGHT OR WE WILL SEE IT SUNDAY.

3-8-2012 Newshound Guru Med WE HAVE MULTIPLE MAJOR NEWS ARTICLES...THE START OF THE RV IS HAPPENING. THEY HAVE A NEW COMMITTEE THAT IS FORMED BETWEEN PARLIAMENT AND CBI TO WORK TOGETHER TO MAKE SURE THE PEOPLE ARE INFORMED OF WHAT IS HAPPENING...HOW IT WILL EFFECT THEM. TODAY IT WAS FORMED. THIS IS THE START...THE COUNTDOWN HAS STARTED THAT IS THE GREAT NEWS.

3-8-2012 Intel Guru Bluwolf the issues with the computers are no more...the banks are ready to go and are waiting just like us...the rate that was inform by some is the true and high rate...I do not know if congratulation is in order but what the heck you guys are millionaires but you just do not know it as of yet...enjoy the rest of this ride, it will be over real soon.

3-8-2012 Intel Guru Jonnywg have been told that most has been completed and they are testing the procedure...do not know length of delay but we expect results.

Dinar Intel Update

Dinar Wishes from 3sintel Chat Thurs. Evening
 03/08/2012  [DinarWishes] Im hearing that things are still Loading and we could see this tonight or tomorrow... I know we all want it now but, we have to be patient and stay grounded and Pray we are at the end of this ride...
....
___________________________________________________________________


Bulldog75/Okie update in OOM Chat Thursday noon
 03/08/2012  _ Bulldog75:  11:15AM CST: OKIE/BULLDOG75: HI EVERYONE. UPDATE: AS WE MENTIONED LAST NIGHT, THE 12.36 USD TO IQD RATE WILL POST SOMETIMES LATER TODAY AFTER 2PM BANK ALIGNMENTS (BUT NOT NECESSARILY IMMEDIATELY THEREAFTER). 

THIS COULD GO INTO THE EVENING (THURSDAY) OR POSSIBLE EARLY TOMORROW (FRIDAY) DUE TO THE GARGANTUA MATHEMATICAL COMPUTER DOWNLOADS OCCURING NOW AND “OPTIONAL CENTRAL BANK’S 24 HR READING / CONFIRMATION IMPLEMENTATION OF RATE VERIFICATIONS AROUND THE GLOBE”. 

WE ARE ON TARGET. SIT BACK AND RELAX. NO SWEATS, NO FRETS. EVERYONE IS SAFE. PERK PACKAGES ARE AVAILABLE AT CASH IN. THIS IS A COLLOSAL EVENT AND WILL HAPPEN. LET THE BANKS PEACEFULLY DO THEIR JOB; NO CALLING TO THE BANKS PLEASE. 

ANYONE CASHING IN SHOULD HAVE THEIR ACCTS SET UP 24 HOURS PRIOR. THIS ‘RV’ OF 166 COUNTRIES IS HAPPENING NOW, THOUGH NO ONE CAN SEE IT VISUALLY ON THE FRONT TELLER SCREENS. WE ARE CONFIDENT, AT LOVE AND PEACE AS THE HONEY & MANNA FLOWS FROM THE HEAVENS & THE BANKS._______________________________________________________________________________________

JonnyWG update from 3sintel Early thurs. Evening
 03/08/2012  5:11 PM EST 3s Intel [.jonnywg] WELL I HAVE JUST HAD ANOTHER REPORT THAT THE DOWNLOADS ARE STILL IN PROCESS, THE SYSTEMS ARE BEING PREPARED AT THE BANKING OPERATIONS AND WE HAVE A CONFIRMATION ON THIS AS WELL...... 

I HOPE THIS IS FINISHED SOON 

[.jonnywg] IF AT ANY TIME WE GET DIFFERENT INFO WE WILL POST IT

__________________________________________________________________________

Bluwolf): it is 76%,,,and partly sunny,,,here in paradise island puerto rico...inspire
song for today praise the lord,,,the police,,,i'll be watching you,,,looks like today will be a day of prosperity for some folks in and around the country. I want to say hi to okie, bluwolf, footforward, soonerfan, bulldog, and cap1;;;my hat goes off to these gentlemen for there hard work and dedication on keeping all informed on your up coming blessings,,,

If some folks are really watching for something, these gents most certainly
are...and then there are the girls who have worked day in and out getting
information behind the scenes...hi rich queen, gari, janna, cessie, historian,
Gods speed to ALL... ] We are now at the peak of seeing an international rv of
195 countries,,,we are at the stage of just cashing in information from our bank
sources,,,there is where we stand, like i have informed before the rates will be
high and strong...

Congrats to all here in the u.s.a.,,,we will keep you posted on incoming bank information...we have been informed by good sources that prosperity is raining in the land of Richard the Lionhearted and that has been confirmed by our private sources,,,Congrats to all those U.S. Citizens that have already cashed out and are on there way back home...keep in tune to this station for further updates,,,this
is wrvd fm in paradise island and i am bluwolf...good day!!!
                                             ======================================
3-8-2012  Guru Cap1   THIS RV AND EVERYTHING THAT SURROUNDS IT FINANCIALLY IS THE BIGGEST THING TO EVER HIT THE FINANCIAL WORLD. SO, WE DON'T KNOW EXACTLY HOW IT IS TO BE REVEALED TODAY.  MANY, MANY BANKERS AND OTHERS WELL TO DO PEOPLE ARE LOOKING FOR ACTIVITY TODAY.

3-8-2012  Guru DinarWishes   I had 3 banks tell me they had rates here in the U.S. and one across the pond just waiting for the process to finish and the buy signal to be given...remember we will all cross the finish line together...Nobody will get to cash out before anyone else...Countries that is.  Things sound good but, we wait till we have a solid confirmation.  Let me be clear...once it has been released it will go to the banks within seconds...then the banks will post to the other levels of the banks and the banks can hold it for a whole day and then let you cash in. I've had calls indicating it was in process but until I can cash out...I will not say we RV'd.

3-8-2012  Guru Adam Montana    once the Dinar has been trading between world banks for a short time, it will go on the forex... I don't believe it can or will go on Forex immediately. I believe it will come out at the new rate, then it will either raise or lower dramatically in the first few months (UNLESS there is a solid peg)...of course it may stay off forex for longer, there's no way to tell, but the important thing to know is that there is no reason that it "must" go on forex immediately.

3-8-2012  Guru Kaperoni    [Article] Quote…“The Central Bank earlier announced that the near-level policy work to stabilize the dinar to US dollar while at the intermediate level and leveling will near dinar against the dollar.” This is another great quote…we get a few “keys” here. 1. The rate will be near the dollar. 2. The CBI calls this the “intermediate level,” clearly implying there will be another level.  There is no specific timeframe mentioned for that higher level.

TAG Accounts Info for Dinars Holders

A link to the Dodd-Frank bank instructions is further down in this note.
Friends:
There’s more to the TAG accounts than meets the eye. TAG: “Transaction Account Guarantee”
Superficial chatter says that you should just ask for your Dinar deposits to be placed in a no-interest bearing account. Then your funds will be insured with no upper limit. The FDIC will not be the insurer but because of the Dodd-Frank bill you will be insured fully through the end of this year – or maybe for the 12 months following the Re-valuation date.
But, Heads up:
Unless the bank has actually set up and is compliant with the TAG account instructions, you may be harmed in several ways.
None of my local banks had heard of the rules for becoming compliant with the Dodd-Frank instructions. I printed out copies of the instructions (13 pages) and handed it to the bank VPs which they cheerfully received, promising that their lawyers would read it and get ready to support TAG accounts.
There is a basis for this strange TAG requirement (or suggestion). It may help if you understand the basis for the Dodd-Frank Bill and the TAG account option.
Your Dinar payouts were and are supposed to be in gold or metals-backed currency. That’s especially true for Dinar holders because the Dinar you hold is backed by gold, oil, and minerals.
It’s fool-hardy to convert the world’s most valuable and stable currency into US dollars that sink in value almost every day. Dollars are announced to be DEVALUED another 40% within 30 to 60 days after the RV.
I mentioned Dinar as being stable. Yes. Monthly violence in all of Iraq is far less that that of single US cities like Washington DC or Los Angeles. TV news channels amplify and selectively choose what we are allowed to see or believe.
So where is the US currency that is metals based?  New US Treasury bills are expected to be released to the public perhaps 30 or 60 days after the RV.  At that time we will have options for converting our old greenback bills into the new Treasury bills.  On the samples (far below) note that the Federal Reserve is not mentioned.  The new bills will be issued from the US Treasury (we expect).  The 99 year agreement between the US Treasury and the Federal Reserve ran out sometime in January 2012 (it is claimed).
IF YOU DEPOSIT YOUR CONVERTED FUNDS INTO A VALID TAG ACCOUNT:
- Your funds will be assumed to be of US Treasury Bill value later, when and if the new Treasury bills are issued. (metals backed just like the Dinar - good)
- You will have full and immediate access to your funds to buy big items or properties – no rationing, no delays on withdrawals. (good)
- You funds will be insured with no upper limit for the next 9 or 12 months in the event of bank failures, closures, holidays.
- You must not gain any interest on the account (Mandatory Requirement) because banks can only pay interest using current debt-based fiat unstable old US currency.
- You cannot take funds from any other source and deposit them into your TAG account. (Maybe DONG payouts are ok – not sure.)
So if you thought you could just deposit Dinar payouts into any old checking account that bears no interest, then you haven’t looked through the compliance standards that the bank has to fulfill in getting ready to give you a TAG account. See the link further below.
The legal rules a bank must follow are quite dense and heavy. Details galore. The bank must even have a small sign of a certain size on the wall in the lobby stating with certain words that they provide TAG account services.
Most of you probably envision cashing in at a bank, then wiring some funds from there to other local banks or credit unions. These secondary receiving banks will have to have legitimate TAG accounts if you want the TAG benefits. Upon receiving the incoming bank wire, the bank will have to ask about your source of funds. Your receipt from your original dinar conversion event will be needed in this situation.
So what happens if you just ignore the TAG option.  Maybe you were only going to cash in one 25,000 Dinar note.  At the rumored rate of $12.36 that single note will produce a deposit of $309,000 – which is just a little over the $250,000 normal FDIC insurance.
Is that anything to worry about?  (What? Me worry?)
WORRY DEFINED:
Later when we all line up at banks to trade in our crumpled greenbacks to get our fresh Metals-based US Treasury notes, we have hints, rumors, and whispers that there will be a 40% to 60% loss of greenback value for everyone around the world that holds greenbacks. US dollars will be devalued – announced and not a theory.
When the new Treasury bills are issued,
You will possibly trade in $100 old bills and receive back $60 in new Treasury bills. (40% devaluation of US dollars)  Or,
You will possibly trade in $100 old bills and receive back $40 in new Treasury bills. (60% devaluation of US dollars).
IF your Dinar deposits are NOT PLACED IN A TAG ACCOUNT, your old $1 million greenback dollars will be converted (in the bank) to $600,000 Treasury Bills (for example) at the 40% devaluation rate – when the new bills are released.
IS THIS SCARY EXAMPLE CLEAR?  You cashed in top-value DINAR which was already gold-based, and through negligence (in this example) you lost 40% of your value because you didn’t mandate that your bank set up a TAG account to receive it.
We have been kept in the dark about many things, but Congress saw this situation about to arise. For once, in your favor, the Dodd-Frank bill designed a method by which your Dinar (and possibly Dong) deposits would be treated AS ACTUAL METALS-BASED CURRENCY even though the new Treasury bills won’t be issued until a few months after the RV event.  These TAG accounts (if you see the sense of using them) give the US Treasury up to a year to get their Treasury bills distributed.
The trauma of the US and world-wide populations having their old green dollars DEVALUED can be dealt with best a few months AFTER the frantic Dinar conversions.
To appreciate the complexity of the RV happening in 195 nations, consider that the dollar devaluation will affect all those nations WHOSE CURRENCIES ARE ALSO BEING reassigned based on the productivity of each nation.
Summary: To avoid unnecessary diminishment of 40% or more of your funds when the world soon converts to the new US Treasury bills, consider printing out a few copies of the Dodd-Frank instructions and hand carrying a copy to your local bankers who may be unaware.
I found it useful to talk with bank administrators, stating that you are a Dinar holder, and that even though the local bank is not expected to convert your dinar, you intend to wire sizeable funds into your local account AND THAT IT NEEDS TO COME IN TO A Transaction Account Guarantee (TAG) ACCOUNT which must conform with the printed instructions at this government link.
Here’s the official government link for the Dodd-Frank PDF document that defines the bank policies required:
http://www.fdic.gov/deposit/deposits/unlimited/faq.pdf    Consider printing a copy for the banker(s).
FYI:  Dr. Ed in Texas

Humor - Playing with a Tazer

Subject: HAHAHA - HILARIOUS - -" TRY READING THIS WITHOUT LAUGHING TILL YOU CRY *

 
 

                                                                                                                                                
  This  cracked  me  up * Hilarious :                                                                         
                                                                           
                                                                           
   SCROLL  DOWN :                                                                         
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
                                                                           
ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS                                             
                                                                           
                                                                           
Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!                    
                                                                           
                                                                           
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.                         
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary  
submitted this:                                                           
                                                                           
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my
interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a   
little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a        
100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.                                   
                                                                           
The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long    
term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to      
retreat to safety...??                                                    
                                                                           
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home...
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.       
Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the     
button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get   
the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.    
                                                                           
AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn   
spot is on the face of her microwave.                                     
                                                                           
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it   
couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?              
                                                                           
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting   
little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really
needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.            
                                                                           
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second)  
and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was     
going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I
did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.                 
                                                                           
Am I wrong?                                                               
                                                                           
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses
perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and  
Tazer in another.                                                         
                                                                           
The directions said that:                                                 
                                                                           
                                                                           
a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;              
                                                                           
a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of
bodily control; and                                                       
                                                                           
a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the    
ground like a fish out of water.                                          
                                                                           
                                                                           
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.       
                                                                           
                                                                           
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long,  
less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA      
batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
                                                                           
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.     
                                                                           
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one    
side so as to say, 'Don't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst
from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to  
give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.                       
                                                                           
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...         
                                                                           
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE... !!!          
                                                                           
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in  
the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and  
over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,  
with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles  
nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest  
position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had
never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the         
fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body    
flopping all over the living room.                                        
                                                                           
Note:                                                                     
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer,                
one note of caution:                                                      
                                                                           
There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You   
will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a   
violent thrashing about on the floor!                                     
A three second burst would be considered conservative!                    
                                                                           
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at    
that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and     
surveyed the landscape.                                                   
                                                                           
                                                                           
My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.              
·        The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it
                              originally was.                              
  ·        My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.. 
    ·        My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my   
                         bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.                        
                ·        I had no control over the drooling.               
  ·        Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know 
                 for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.                 
   ·        I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came  
                               from my hair.                               
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward  
for their safe return!                                                    
                                                                           
PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and   
now regularly threatens me with it!                                       
                                                                           
If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!!