The Philosophy of Ambiguity

          The Philosophy of Ambiguity
 
 
FOR THOSE WHO LOVE  THE PHILOSOPHY OF AMBIGUITY, AS WELL AS THE IDIOSYNCRASIES  OF ENGLISH: 
Please enjoy and  understand the following :


1.  DON'T SWEAT THE  PETTY THINGS AND DON'T PET THE SWEATY  THINGS.

2.  ONE TEQUILA, TWO  TEQUILA, THREE TEQUILA, FLOOR.

3.  ATHEISM IS A  NON-PROPHET ORGANIZATION.

4.  IF MAN EVOLVED  FROM MONKEYS AND APES, WHY DO WE STILL HAVE MONKEYS AND  APES?

5.  THE MAIN REASON  THAT SANTA IS SO JOLLY IS BECAUSE HE KNOWS WHERE ALL THE  BAD GIRLS LIVE.

6.  I WENT TO A  BOOKSTORE AND ASKED THE SALESWOMAN, "WHERE'S THE SELF-  HELP SECTION?" SHE SAID IF SHE TOLD ME, IT WOULD DEFEAT  THE PURPOSE.

7.  WHAT IF THERE WERE  NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?

8.  IF A DEAF CHILD  SIGNS SWEAR WORDS, DOES HIS MOTHER WASH HIS HANDS WITH  SOAP?

9.  IF SOMEONE WITH  MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES THREATENS TO KILL HIMSELF, IS IT  CONSIDERED A HOSTAGE SITUATION?

10.  IS THERE ANOTHER  WORD FOR SYNONYM?

11.  WHERE DO FOREST  RANGERS GO TO "GET AWAY FROM IT ALL?"

12.  WHAT DO YOU DO  WHEN YOU SEE AN ENDANGERED ANIMAL EATING AN ENDANGERED  PLANT?

13.  IF A PARSLEY  FARMER IS SUED, CAN THEY GARNISH HIS  WAGES?

14.  WOULD A FLY  WITHOUT WINGS BE CALLED A WALK?

15.  WHY DO THEY  LOCK GAS STATION BATHROOMS?  ARE THEY AFRAID SOMEONE WILL CLEAN THEM?

16.  IF A TURTLE  DOESN'T HAVE A SHELL, IS HE HOMELESS OR  NAKED?

17.  CAN VEGETARIANS  EAT ANIMAL CRACKERS?

18.  IF THE POLICE  ARREST A MIME, DO THEY TELL HIM HE HAS THE RIGHT TO REMAIN  SILENT?

19.  WHY DO THEY PUT  BRAILLE ON THE DRIVE-THROUGH BANK  MACHINES?

20.  HOW DO THEY GET  DEER TO CROSS THE ROAD ONLY AT THOSE YELLOW ROAD  SIGNS?

21.  WHAT WAS THE BEST  THING BEFORE SLICED BREAD?

22.  ONE NICE THING  ABOUT EGOTISTS: THEY DON'T TALK ABOUT OTHER  PEOPLE.

23.  DOES THE LITTLE  MERMAID WEAR AN ALGEBRA?

24.  DO INFANTS ENJOY  INFANCY AS MUCH AS ADULTS ENJOY  ADULTERY?

25.  HOW IS IT POSSIBLE  TO HAVE A CIVIL WAR?

26.  IF ONE  SYNCHRONIZED SWIMMER DROWNS, DO THE REST DROWN  TOO?

27.  IF YOU ATE BOTH  PASTA AND ANTIPASTO, WOULD YOU STILL BE  HUNGRY?

28.  IF YOU TRY TO  FAIL, AND SUCCEED, WHICH HAVE YOU  DONE?

29.  WHOSE CRUEL IDEA  WAS IT FOR THE WORD 'LISP' TO HAVE 'S' IN  IT?

30.  WHY ARE  HEMORRHOIDS CALLED "HEMORRHOIDS" INSTEAD OF  "ASSTEROIDS"?

31.  WHY IS IT CALLED  TOURIST SEASON IF WE CAN'T SHOOT AT  THEM?

32.  WHY IS THERE AN  EXPIRATION DATE ON SOUR CREAM?

33.  IF YOU SPIN AN  ORIENTAL PERSON IN A CIRCLE THREE TIMES, DO THEY BECOME  DISORIENTED?


34.  CAN AN ATHEIST GET  INSURANCE AGAINST ACTS OF GOD ?