Once upon a time, Big Kahuna, a mega-rich, all powerful troll, stomped around his palace.
Why was he so unhappy, unhappy, unhappy? Although he had more money than he could ever spend, and owned key politicians around the globe, he had never been able to make inroads into seizing control of the country he most coveted.
And so it came to be that Big Kahuna devised a diabolical, top-down-bottom up-inside-out stealth plan. Its success would fundamentally transform a freedom-loving country of good and honorable people into a socialistic state with himself as Enforcer-in-Chief.
But first, he must locate a puppet. An egotistical, lazy, adoration-craving sociopath who could read a teleprompter script like nobody’s business.
Courtesy of Author.
Courtesy of Author.
Lo and behold, he didn’t have to search very far or very wide until he discovered the perfect candidate, an inexperienced junior state senator, a Saul Alinsky desciple, who mostly voted “present” on the rare occasions when he actually was in the Senate chambers. Much of his time was devoted to hitting golf balls or traveling hither and yon, promoting his self-aggrandizing biography (written by an someone else.)
Even though he had not accomplished anything of importance, uninformed voters were captivated by the junior state senator’s teleprompter speeches, sparkly teeth, adorable Dumbo ears, and wife who had become proud of her country for the very first time.
Little Dude Messiah signed on to Big Kahuna’s program and agreed to follow his script to the letter during the presidential campaign. He practiced a Southern drawl, sympathetic facial expressions, and learned to deliver an enthusiastic “hope and change” mantra that riled up his fan base.
Then came the phony-baloney promises.
Little Dude Messiah declared he would create high-paying jobs for everyone, force the rich to pay their fair share, dole out freebies to the poor and/or to those who didn’t want to work, and redistribute the wealth at home and abroad. He’d faithfully promote the trumped-up climate-change threat, and initiate Peace Day by teaching world leaders to sing in “perfect harmony.”
Glory Hallelujah!
Little Dude Messiah won the presidency (thanks to buckets of illegal campaign contributions, lax voting rules, and ballot box stuffing), and moved into the People’s House, along with Big Kahuna’s hand-picked henchmen, union thugs, lawyers, socialists, a commie or two, and a few Muslim Brotherhood members. These “advisors” were tasked with keeping Little Dude Messiah on point.
Then, as planned, every single one of Little Dude Messiah’s “restore America” programs failed.
Sticking to the script, he pointed fingers of blame at the prior administration, red necks who clung to God and guns, his political opposition, ATMs, conservative radio and television, the internet, and those greedy bastards on Wall Street.
Through it all, he played golf, hosted celebrity pals at lavish parties in the People’s House, enjoyed frequent vacations, and presented “Aren’t I Wonderful” campaign fund-raising speeches far and wide.
When the time came for his “contract” to be renewed, Big Kahuna handed Little Dude Messiah an updated list of major goals to be accomplished during his second term.
|
1 comment:
Great press conference with eastern Ukranian military leaders. This should go out to all militia and patriot groups.
http://vineyardsaker.blogspot.com/2014/08/watershed-press-conference-by-top.html
Post a Comment