Saturday, November 30, 2013

The WORLD'S SHREWDEST PRIVACY NEWSLETTER

Privacy World - The WORLD'S SHREWDEST PRIVACY NEWSLETTER

N.S.A. Gathers Data on Social Connections of U.S. Citizens

WASHINGTON --- Since 2010, the National Security Agency been exploiting its huge collections of data to create sophisticated graphs of some Americans' social connections that can identify their associates, their locations at certain times, their traveling companions and other personal information, according to newly disclosed documents and interviews with officials.

The spy agency began allowing the analysis of phone call and e-mail logs in November 2010 to examine Americans' networks of associations for foreign intelligence purposes after N.S.A. officials lifted restrictions on the practice, according to documents provided by Edward J. Snowden, the former N.S.A. contractor.

The policy shift was intended to help the agency "discover and track"
connections between intelligence targets overseas and people in the United States, according to an N.S.A. memorandum from January 2011.
The agency was authorized to conduct "large-scale graph analysis on very large sets of communications metadata without having to check foreignness" of every e-mail address, phone number or other identifier, the document said. Because of concerns about infringing on the privacy of American citizens, the computer analysis of such data had previously been permitted only for foreigners.

The agency can augment the communications data with material from public, commercial and other sources, including bank codes, insurance information, Facebook profiles, passenger manifests, voter registration rolls and GPS location information, as well as property records and unspecified tax data, according to the documents. They do not indicate any restrictions on the use of such "enrichment" data, and several former senior Obama administration officials said the agency drew on it for both Americans and foreigners.

N.S.A. officials declined to say how many Americans have been caught up in the effort, including people involved in no wrongdoing. The documents do not describe what has resulted from the scrutiny, which links phone numbers and e-mails in a "contact chain" tied directly or indirectly to a person or organization overseas that is of foreign intelligence interest.

The new disclosures add to the growing body of knowledge in recent months about the N.S.A.'s access to and use of private information concerning Americans, prompting lawmakers in Washington to call for reining in the agency and President Obama to order an examination of its surveillance policies. Almost everything about the agency's operations is hidden, and the decision to revise the limits concerning Americans was made in secret, without review by the nation's intelligence court or any public debate. As far back as 2006, a Justice Department memo warned of the potential for the "misuse" of such information without adequate safeguards.

An agency spokeswoman, asked about the analyses of Americans' data, said, "All data queries must include a foreign intelligence justification, period."

"All of N.S.A.'s work has a foreign intelligence purpose," the spokeswoman added. "Our activities are centered on counterterrorism, counterproliferation and cybersecurity."

The legal underpinning of the policy change, she said, was a 1979 Supreme Court ruling that Americans could have no expectation of privacy about what numbers they had called. Based on that ruling, the Justice Department and the Pentagon decided that it was permissible to create contact chains using Americans' "metadata," which includes the timing, location and other details of calls and e-mails, but not their content. The agency is not required to seek warrants for the analyses from the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court.

N.S.A. officials declined to identify which phone and e-mail databases are used to create the social network diagrams, and the documents provided by Mr. Snowden do not specify them. The agency did say that the large database of Americans' domestic phone call records, which was revealed by Mr. Snowden in June and caused bipartisan alarm in Washington, was excluded. (N.S.A. officials have previously acknowledged that the agency has done limited analysis in that database, collected under provisions of thePatriot Act <http://topics.nytimes.com/top/reference/timestopics/subjects/u/usa_patriot_act/index.html?inline=nyt-classifier,
exclusively for people who might be linked to terrorism suspects.)

But the agency has multiple collection programs and databases, the former officials said, adding that the social networking analyses relied on both domestic and international metadata. They spoke only on the condition of anonymity because the information was classified.

The concerns in the United States since Mr. Snowden's revelations have largely focused on the scope of the agency's collection of the private data of Americans and the potential for abuse. But the new documents provide a rare window into what the N.S.A. actually does with the information it gathers.

A series of agency PowerPoint presentations and memos describe how the N.S.A. has been able to develop software and other tools --- one document cited a new generation of programs that "revolutionize" data collection and analysis --- to unlock as many secrets about individuals as possible.

The spy agency, led by Gen. Keith B. Alexander, an unabashed advocate for more weapons in the hunt for information about the nation's adversaries, clearly views its collections of metadata as one of its most powerful resources. N.S.A. analysts can exploit that information to develop a portrait of an individual, one that is perhaps more complete and predictive of behavior than could be obtained by listening to phone conversations or reading e-mails, experts say.

Phone and e-mail logs, for example, allow analysts to identify people's friends and associates, detect where they were at a certain time, acquire clues to religious or political affiliations, and pick up sensitive information like regular calls to a psychiatrist's office, late-night messages to an extramarital partner or exchanges with a fellow plotter.

"Metadata can be very revealing," said Orin S. Kerr, a law professor at George Washington University. "Knowing things like the number someone just dialed or the location of the person's cellphone is going to allow them to assemble a picture of what someone is up to. It's the digital equivalent of tailing a suspect."

The N.S.A. had been pushing for more than a decade to obtain the rule change allowing the analysis of Americans' phone and e-mail data.
Intelligence officials had been frustrated that they had to stop when a contact chain hit a telephone number or e-mail address believed to be used by an American, even though it might yield valuable intelligence primarily concerning a foreigner who was overseas, according to documents previously disclosed by Mr. Snowden. N.S.A.
officials also wanted to employ the agency's advanced computer analysis tools to sift through its huge databases with much greater efficiency.

The agency had asked for the new power as early as 1999, the documents show, but had been initially rebuffed because it was not permitted under rules of the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court that were intended to protect the privacy of Americans.

A 2009 draft of an N.S.A. inspector general's report suggests that contact chaining and analysis may have been done on Americans'
communications data under the Bush administration's program of wiretapping without warrants, which began after the Sept. 11 attacks to detect terrorist activities and skirted the existing laws governing electronic surveillance.

In 2006, months after the wiretapping program was disclosed by The New York Times <http://www.nytimes.com/2005/12/16/politics/16program.html?pagewanted=all,
the N.S.A.'s acting general counsel wrote a letter to a senior Justice Department official, which was also leaked by Mr. Snowden, formally asking for permission to perform the analysis on American phone and e-mail data. A Justice Department memo to the attorney general noted that the "misuse" of such information "could raise serious concerns,"
and said the N.S.A. promised to impose safeguards, including regular audits, on the metadata program. In 2008, the Bush administration gave its approval.

A new policy that year, detailed in "Defense Supplemental Procedures Governing Communications Metadata Analysis," authorized by Defense Secretary Robert M. Gates and Attorney General Michael B. Mukasey, said that since the Supreme Court had ruled that metadata was not constitutionally protected, N.S.A. analysts could use such information "without regard to the nationality or location of the communicants,"
according to an internal N.S.A. description of the policy.

After that decision, which was previously reported by The Guardian, the N.S.A. performed the social network graphing in a pilot project for 1 ½ years "to great benefit," according to the 2011 memo. It was put in place in November 2010 in "Sigint Management Directive 424"
(sigint refers to signals intelligence).

In the 2011 memo explaining the shift, N.S.A. analysts were told that they could trace the contacts of Americans as long as they cited a foreign intelligence justification. That could include anything from ties to terrorism, weapons proliferation or international drug smuggling to spying on conversations of foreign politicians, business figures or activists.

Analysts were warned to follow existing "minimization rules," which prohibit the N.S.A. from sharing with other agencies names and other details of Americans whose communications are collected, unless they are necessary to understand foreign intelligence reports or there is evidence of a crime. The agency is required to obtain a warrant from the intelligence court to target a "U.S. person" --- a citizen or legal resident --- for actual eavesdropping.

The N.S.A. documents show that one of the main tools used for chaining phone numbers and e-mail addresses has the code name Mainway. It is a repository into which vast amounts of data flow daily from the agency's fiber-optic cables, corporate partners and foreign computer networks that have been hacked.

The documents show that significant amounts of information from the United States go into Mainway. An internal N.S.A. bulletin, for example, noted that in 2011 Mainway was taking in 700 million phone records per day. In August 2011, it began receiving an additional 1.1 billion cellphone records daily from an unnamed American service provider under Section 702 of the 2008 FISA Amendments Act, which allows for the collection of the data of Americans if at least one end of the communication is believed to be foreign.

The overall volume of metadata collected by the N.S.A. is reflected in the agency's secret 2013 budget request to Congress. The budget document, disclosed by Mr. Snowden, shows that the agency is pouring money and manpower into creating a metadata repository capable of taking in 20 billion "record events" daily and making them available to N.S.A. analysts within 60 minutes.

The spending includes support for the "Enterprise Knowledge System,"
which has a $394 million multiyear budget and is designed to "rapidly discover and correlate complex relationships and patterns across diverse data sources on a massive scale," according to a 2008 document. The data is automatically computed to speed queries and discover new targets for surveillance.

A top-secret document titled "Better Person Centric Analysis"
describes how the agency looks for 94 "entity types," including phone numbers, e-mail addresses and IP addresses. In addition, the N.S.A.
correlates 164 "relationship types" to build social networks and what the agency calls "community of interest" profiles, using queries like "travelsWith, hasFather, sentForumMessage, employs."

A 2009 PowerPoint presentation provided more examples of data sources available in the "enrichment" process, including location-based services like GPS and TomTom, online social networks, billing records and bank codes for transactions in the United States and overseas.

At a Senate Intelligence Committee hearing on Thursday, General Alexander was asked if the agency ever collected or planned to collect bulk records about Americans' locations based on cellphone tower data.
He replied that it was not doing so as part of the call log program authorized by the Patriot Act, but said a fuller response would be classified.

If the N.S.A. does not immediately use the phone and e-mail logging data of an American, it can be stored for later use, at least under certain circumstances, according to several documents.

One 2011 memo, for example, said that after a court ruling narrowed the scope of the agency's collection, the data in question was "being buffered for possible ingest" later. A year earlier, an internal briefing paper from the N.S.A. Office of Legal Counsel showed that the agency was allowed to collect and retain raw traffic, which includes both metadata and content, about "U.S. persons" for up to five years online and for an additional 10 years offline for "historical searches."

The above article by James Risen

Until next issue, stay cool and remain low profile!

Privacy World

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REPLY FROM A COMMON MAN

John,

The following is a reply from a common man to the article entitled
"An Attorney Declares That The RV NDA is Not a Threat!"

First and foremost John I respect your right and privilege to display
in and on your site any and all articles regardless from Whom or
from Where they were Obtained.  It is on this basis that I wish to
present to you, and hopefully to your blog readers, some basic
FACTS which may NOT be as widely known compared to current
subjects like the RV and a reported requirement to sign a NDA or
NON Disclosure Agreement.

The titled article appears to focus primarily on rebuttal to one issued
by Judge Dale that was widespread and went Global. What we do know
is that Judge Dale had at least ONE highly respected worldly contact in
that of Dr. Michael Van de Meer, field secretary and spokeperson of the
BRICS nations.

By contrast what do we know about this self proclaimed  California
Attorney of 39 years of whom authored the titled article above? Not all
that much per se.  Perhaps these following Facts will help you and or
readers decide.

Any Attorney that "practices law" MUST BE a member of the BAR.
The BAR is an acronym for British Accreditation Registery to which
each member Swears to By OATH.  It is by this Oath that ALL Attorney's
pledge their allegiance to the Monarch of England!! 

Further this Oath removes attorneys and lawyers from being uNited
State Citizens.  They ARE Foreigners !!!  As such they operated under a
cloud of Fraud when representing any US Sovereign.  IN or OUT of Court!

Debra Siddons on Friday, 27 May 2011 reported the dramatic English
Jury Verdict in favor of John Anthony Hill that was issued on the 12th.
John Anthony Hill is the Producer of the documentary film "7/7 Ripple Effect". For more
details about this extraordinary case and the trial itself, please visit the following links:-

http://mtrial.org
http://jamesfetzer.blogspot.com
http://terroronthetube.co.uk/2011/05/12/muaddib-acquitted/

Two precedents were established in this case, from a challenge both the jurisdiction and
the sovereignty of Elizabeth Battenberg/Mountbatten,  based on two distinct points.
First she knowingly, and with malice aforethought, was coronated on a fake stone in 1953
and thus has never been lawfully crowned. In actual fact the Coronation is a binding oath
and a contract, requiring the monarch's signature. Which brings us to the second point.

At that Coronation ceremony, Elizabeth signed a binding contract, before God, that she
would maintain The Laws of God. This she solemnly swore to do, her hand placed on the
Sovereign's Bible, before kissing The Bible and signing the contract..
Please note that in The Law of God, found in the first five books of The Bible, man-made
legislation is strictly prohibited. To date, she has broken her oath thousands of times, which
is iron-clad, undeniable FACT. She is not the monarch, but instead is a criminal guilty of
high treason among her other numerous crimes.
We happen to have a similar situation here in this country.  We do have a
president / CEO of a Corporation known as The United States of America.
NOT of the uNited States.  The FRAUD American People have to deal with
is NOT being aware of the difference. 

People are flesh and blood living beings of our Source, Creator, God!  We
ARE Sovereign beings and NOT Corporate enities.  Our False Government
wants us all to believe that we ARE corporations and thus, have control over
us.  Thus Sovereigns NEED to be educated to these real world Facts.  ALL
Corporation(s) Law(s) APPLY only to Employees of that Corporation.  Not
to You or Me unless we work for that specific corporation.

This explains WHY our so called Court System is Corrupt as well as their
laws which are Statues.  For them to have any juridiction over us, we must
CONSENT.  They obtain this consent thru ignorance and trickery and have
been all to successful these past many, many years.  WE as Sovereign beings
must ALWAYS remember to counter their actions and USE these following
16 words Verbally OR placed upon "their Court" or any adverse documents.

                        I DO NOT ACCEPT THIS OFFER TO CONTRACT 
                                                            AND
                       I DO NOT CONSENT TO THESE PROCEEDINGS.


By way of summary, remember Attorneys are Foreign Agents and members of
the National Lawyers Guild Communist Party and the root of our political and
fascist foreign corporate federal and state governments.  A well established
Fact is that Attorneys / Lawyers do not like to do any research.  However they
are interested in acquiring funds or money and relieving you of same should
any occasion present itself. 

So since Lawyers / Attorneys don't do research or write responses for FREE
I have to wonder, WHO PAID this Attorney from California with 39 years of
alleged experience to write his rebuttal to the Judge Dale article and WHY ???

God Bless You One and All from a Common Man.


Jim

ZORRA'S CALL SATURDAY MORNING! TOMORROW!





HOLLOW EARTH NETWORK

Friday,  November 29, 2013


 


Anne May162009
  Anne DeHart



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Government Opening Free Gas Stations in Poor Black Neighborhoods

Subject: Government Opening Free Gas Stations in Poor Black Neighborhoods

 




Subject: Fwd: Government Opening Free Gas Stations in Poor Black Neighborhoods
Communism at it's best, brought to you by the Obama administration.

Hey, it's not easy when you have to drive a lot ...... pick up free phones, free food and cashing those welfare checks can burn a lot of fuel.
 
Our government is determined to destroy all stable systems. 

Government Opening Free Gas Stations in Poor Neighborhoods
Oct 29, 2013
First 'Obamastation' Debuts in Detroit , Seventy Planned Nationwide

As the battle over Obamacare rages in Washington , the White House is quietly using a little known provision of the law to roll out a nationwide network of free gas stations for minorities and the poor.
According to a report in The Detroit News this morning, the administration is using its authority under the Affordable Care Act to "improve transportation routes to hospitals" to dispense gasoline free of cost in disadvantaged neighborhoods.
The $2 billion-a-year program aims to distribute 40 million gallons of free gasoline each year through 70 new gas stations constructed in major metropolitan areas. The Department of Health and Human Services (DHS) will be responsible for operating the network, whose first station opened yesterday in Detroit .
"It's not something we're publicizing very much, for obvious reasons," explains Dori Salcido, assistant DHS secretary for public affairs. "But under the law we are well within our rights to offer this service, and we think it's good public policy.
"How are people supposed to get to the doctor's office if they don't have gas in their cars? Health insurance is worthless if you can't make your appointment. This is just another fine example of government stepping in and solving big problems."
No Gas for You
Although some developing oil-rich nations like Venezuela and Indonesia subsidize gasoline for the poor, the practice has never before been tried in the United States . The plans are proving controversial with some taxpayers who are loathe to see their money go to subsidize others.
"So basically I'm being punished for not living in the ghetto," says Colin Blair, a white person from the affluent Detroit suburb of Farmington Hills . "I have three kids and a mortgage. Life isn't cheap for me either. I could use some free gasoline too."
An investigation into the station's operations, however, reveals that Blair is unlikely to be able to use the service.
"Supposedly access to the station is determined by income," says Ebony Jackson, manager of the first Obamastation. "But it's pretty unrealistic to do an income check on each and every driver. So what we do is basically let all the black people pump for free, and charge all the white people the market rate."
The Obamastations scandal was uncovered by Nolan Finley , a conservative Detroit News columnist widely lauded for his groundbreaking exposé on Obamaphones. Finley says the blatant racial bias in the program is only one of its many outrageous aspects.
"The stations have Obama campaign logo on them and giant photos of the president," he explains. "He's trying to buy votes ahead of the midterm elections. This is something you normally only see in third world countries. I've never been more scared for our democracy."



A BLACK MAN'S TROJAN HORSE

A BLACK MAN'S TROJAN HORSE
 
This is one of the most profound messages that can be put out to the public. My respect for Lloyd Marcus is great. He is truly an American Patriot!!  If a white person would have said what he says here, I would expect a backlash from the media and others. I agree with his sentiments and statements. I would ask you to read it and forward it; unless you don't agree with his analysis. And if you don't agree, then may you be blessed with no consequences from it. 
                                 
   A Black man's point of view. By Lloyd 

      Marcus           As millions of my fellow Americans, I am outraged, devastated and extremely angry by the democrat's unbelievable arrogance and disdain for We The People. Despite our screaming "no" from the rooftops, they forced Obamacare down our throats. Please forgive me for using the following crude saying, but it is very appropriate to describe what has happened. "Don't urinate on me and tell me it's raining." Democrats say their mission is to give all Americans health care. The democrats are lying. Signing Obamacare into law against our will and the Constitution is tyranny and step one of their hideous goal of having as many Americans as possible dependent on government, thus controlling our lives and fulfilling Obama's promise to fundamentally transform America.    I keep asking myself. How did our government move so far from the normal procedures of getting things done?  Could a white president have so successfully pulled off shredding the Constitution to further his agenda?  I think not.    Ironically, proving America is completely the opposite of the evil racist country they relentlessly accuse her of being, progressives used America's goodness, guilt and sense of fair play against her.  In their quest to destroy America as we know it, progressives borrowed a brilliant scheme from Greek mythology. They offered America a modern day Trojan Horse, a beautifully crafted golden shiny new black man as a presidential candidate.  Democrat Joe Biden lauded Obama as the first clean and articulate African American candidate.  Democrat Harry Reid said Obama only uses a black dialect when he wants.    White America relished the opportunity to vote for a black man naively believing they would never suffer the pain of being called racist again.  Black Americans viewed casting their vote for Obama as the ultimate Affirmative Action for America's sins of the past.    Then there were the entitlement loser voters who said, "I'm votin' for the black dude who promises to take from those rich SOBs and give to me."    Just as the deceived Trojans dragged the beautifully crafted Trojan Horse into Troy as a symbol of their victory, deceived Americans embraced the progressive's young, handsome, articulate and so called moderate black presidential candidate as a symbol of their liberation from accusation of being a racist nation.  Also like the Trojan Horse, Obama was filled with the enemy hiding inside.    Sunday, March 21, 2010, a secret door opened in Obama, the shiny golden black man. A raging army of democrats charged out.  Without mercy, they began their vicious bloody slaughter of every value, freedom and institution we Americans hold dear; launching the end of America as we know it.    Wielding swords of votes reeking with the putrid odor of back door deals, the democrats landed a severe death blow to America and individual rights by passing Obamacare.    The mainstream liberal media has been relentlessly badgering the Tea Party movement with accusations of racism.  Because I am a black tea party patriot, I am bombarded with interviewers asking me the same veiled question.  "Why are you siding with these white racists against America's first African American president?"  I defend my fellow patriots who are white stating, These patriots do not give a hoot about Obama's skin color.  They simply love their country and oppose his radical agenda.  Obama's race is not an issue."    Recently, I have come to believe that perhaps I am wrong about Obama's race not being an issue.  In reality, Obama's presidency has everything to do with racism, but not from the Tea Party movement.  Progressives and Obama have exploited his race from the rookie senator's virtually unchallenged presidential campaign to his unprecedented bullying of America into Obamacare. Obama's race trumped all normal media scrutiny of him as a presidential candidate and most recently even the Constitution of the United States.  Obamacare forces all Americans to purchase health care which is clearly unconstitutional.    No white president could get away with boldly and arrogantly thwarting the will of the American people and ignoring laws.  President Clinton tried universal health care.  Bush tried social security reform. The American people said "No" to both presidents' proposals and it was the end of it. So how can Obama get away with giving the American people "the finger?"  The answer:  He is black.    The mainstream liberal media continues to portray all who oppose Obama in any way as racist.  Despite a list of failed policies, overreaches into the private sector, violations of the Constitution and planned destructive legislation too numerous to mention in this article, many Americans are still fearful of criticizing our first black president.  Incredible.    My fellow Americans, you must not continue to allow yourselves to be "played" and intimidated by Obama's race or the historical context of his presidency.  If we are to save America , the greatest nation on the planet, Obama's actions must be thwarted.                                 
Amen!!!!
 

THE PARROT...

THE PARROT...

A young man named Harold received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. 

Harold tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to “clean up” the bird’s vocabulary. 

Finally, Harold was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. Harold shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.
In desperation, Harold threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.  

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.  

Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, Harold quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Harold's outstretched arms and said, “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions.  

I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”  

Harold was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, and the bird continued… “May I ask what the turkey did?”




COMING SOON .. OBAMAFLOWERS

(Receptionist) Hello, Welcome to ObamaFlowers, My name is Trina. How can I help you?

(Customer) Hello, I received an email from Professional Flowers stating that my flower order has been canceled and I should go to your exchange to reorder it. I tried your website, but it seems like it is not working. So I am calling the 800 number.

(Receptionist) Yes, I am sorry about the website. It should be fixed by the end of November. But I can help you.

(Customer) Thanks, I ordered a "Spring Bouquet" for our anniversary, and wanted it delivered to my wife's work..

(Receptionist Interrupting) Sir, "Spring Bouquets" do not meet our minimum standards, I will be happy to provide you with Red Roses.

(Customer) But I have always ordered "Spring Bouquets", done it for years, my wife likes them.

(Receptionist) Roses are better, sir, I am sure your wife will love them.

(Customer) Well, how much are they?

(Receptionist) It depends sir, do you want our Bronze, Silver, Gold or Platinum package.

(Customer) What's the difference?

(Receptionist) 6, 12,18 or 24 Red Roses.

(Customer) The Silver package may be okay, how much is it?

(Receptionist) It depends sir, what is your monthly income?

(Customer) What does that have to do with anything?

(Receptionist) I need that to determine your government flower subsidy, then I can determine how much your out of pocket cost will be. But if your income is below our minimums for a subsidy, then I can refer you to our FlowerAid department.

(Customer) FlowerAid?

(Receptionist) Yes, Flowers are a Right, everyone has a right to flowers. So, if you can't afford them, then the government will supply them free of charge.

(Customer) Who said they were a Right?

(Receptionist) Congress passed it, the President signed it and the Supreme Court found it Constitutional.

(Customer) Whoa.....I don't remember seeing anything in the Constitution regarding Flowers as a Right.

(Receptionist) It is not really a Right in the Constitution, but ObamaFlowers is Constitutional because the Supreme Court Ruled it a "Tax". Taxes are Constitutional. But we feel it is a Right.

(Customer) I don't believe this....

(Receptionist) It's the law of the land sir. Now, we anticipated most people would go for the Silver Package, so what is your monthly income sir?

(Customer) Forget it, I think I will forego the flowers this year...

(Receptionist) In that case sir, I will still need your monthly income.

(Customer) Why?

(Receptionist) To determine what your 'non-participation' cost would be.

(Customer) WHAT???? You can't charge me for NOT buying flowers!!!

(Receptionist) It's the law of the land, sir, approved by the Supreme Court. It's $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income...

(Customer)interrupting) This is ridiculous, I'll pay the $9.50.

(Receptionist) Sir, it is the $9.50 or 1% of your monthly income, whichever is greater.

(Customer) ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? What a ripoff!!

(Receptionist) Actually sir, it is a good deal. Next year it will be 2%.

(Customer) Look, I'm going to call my Congressmember to find out what's going on here. This is ridiculous. I'm not going to pay it.

(Receptionist) Sorry to hear that sir, that's why I had the NSA track this call and obtain the make and model of the cell phone you are using.

(Customer) Why does the NSA need to know what kind of CELL PHONE I AM USING??

(Receptionist) So they get your GPS coordinates sir.

(Door Bell rings followed immediately by a loud knock on the door).


(Receptionist) That would be the IRS sir. Thanks for calling ObamaFlowers, have a nice day... and God Bless America.