JOHN WARD
PROVIDES THIS TONGUE-IN-CHEEK REPORT:
BREAKING…..15%
of bankers go mad as a result of ECB stress test
October
26th, 2014
In
an unexpected development this morning, the European Central Bankannounced that 15% of bankers had been rendered
insane by the stress of trying to pass the stress test.
This
means that 100% of eurobankers are now completely bonkers.
No
German or French banks were listed as potential failures during a credit
crunch, which immediately destroyed the test’s credibility from the kick-off.
But
some 10% of Italian Banks failedthe
test on the grounds of having no forward gears, while a further 15% were
disqualified for honking horns and pinching bottoms.
German
banks did extremely well, especially Deutsche – which ended its examination
paper with the words “You have relatives in Germany and we know where they
live”.
Spanish
banks on the whole passed with flying colours by pointing out that they were
already empty and so the only way was up.
Andalucia
and Catalonia banks said the word ‘tits’ was missing from Spain’s report, but
both missed the reporting deadline as they were too busy preparing to secede
from Spain.
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