The Jewish Elbow
A Jewish grandmother
is giving directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his
wife.
"You come to the
front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel
at the front door.
With your elbow, push
button 301. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the
right. Get in, and
with your elbow push
3. When you get out, I'm on the left. With your elbow , hit my
doorbell."
"Grandma, that
sounds
easy, but, why am I
hitting all these buttons with my elbow?"
"What ... You
coming empty handed?"
The Wise Italian
Grandfather
Why Italian Fathers
and Grandfathers pass their handguns down through the family.
An old Italian man is
dying. He calls his grandson to his bedside.
"Guido, I
wan' you lissina me. I wan' you to take-a my chrome plated .38 revolver so you
will always remember me."
"But grandpa, I
really don't like guns. How about you leave me your Rolex watch instead?"
"You lissina me,
boy. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna have a beautiful wife,
lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe a couple of bambinos. Somma day you
gonna come-a home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man. Whatta
you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch and say, 'times up' ?"
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