Ramblings of a
Retired Mind
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.
I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.
I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now
I have what they call blue teeth, I think.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'.
I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'
Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.
As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life,
Because Life is a journey to be
savored.
Gentle Thoughts for Today -
Birds of a feather flock
together . . . .and then poop on your car.
A penny saved is a government
oversight.
The older you get, the tougher
it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman
Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
If you can smile when things go
wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's
middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..
Did you ever notice: When you
put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'
Aging:
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse.
I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.
I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now
I have what they call blue teeth, I think.
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'
I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age, and call it 'Pumping Rust'.
I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
When people see a cat's litter box, they always say, 'Oh, have you got a cat?'
Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'
Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. I think you should write, 'A Good Doctor'!
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me. They were cramming for their finals.
As for me, I'm just hoping God grades on the curve.
Enjoy Your Days & Love Your Life,
Because Life is a journey to be
savored.
Gentle Thoughts for Today -
Birds of a feather flock
together . . . .and then poop on your car.
A penny saved is a government
oversight.
The older you get, the tougher
it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
Did you ever notice: The Roman
Numerals for forty (40) are XL.
If you can smile when things go
wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child's
middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble..
Did you ever notice: When you
put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'
Aging:
reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.
Some people try to turn back
their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.
When you are dissatisfied and
would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.
You know you are getting old
when everything either dries up or leaks.
One of the many things no one
tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
Lord, Keep your arm around my
shoulder and your hand over my mouth . . .. ... . . . AMEN
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