ENJOY 'ONE-LINERS'
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they'd
eventually find me attractive.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for
freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the
computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and
procrastinate all at once.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?
Take my advice — I'm not using it.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound
perspicacious.
Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when
you wish they were.
Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a
computer.
I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been
doing is gathering dust.
Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.
I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble
putting on your pants.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
When I married Mr. Right, I had no idea his first name was Always.
My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver's test--the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have mow it.
I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.
I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
Money is the root of all wealth.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
eventually find me attractive.
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for
freedom, until they're flashing behind you.
Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.
I changed my password to "incorrect" so whenever I forget it the
computer will say, "Your password is incorrect."
Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I'm great at multi-tasking--I can waste time, be unproductive, and
procrastinate all at once.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
Never tell your problems to anyone, because 20 percent don't care and the other 80 percent are glad you have them.
Doesn't expecting the unexpected mean that the unexpected is actually expected?
Take my advice — I'm not using it.
My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.
I hate it when people use big words just to make themselves sound
perspicacious.
Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home when
you wish they were.
Television may insult your intelligence, but nothing rubs it in like a
computer.
I bought a vacuum cleaner six months ago and so far all it's been
doing is gathering dust.
Every time someone comes up with a foolproof solution, along comes a more-talented fool.
I'll bet you $4,567 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie.
Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble
putting on your pants.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
Ever stop to think and forget to start again?
When I married Mr. Right, I had no idea his first name was Always.
My wife got 8 out 10 on her driver's test--the other two guys managed to jump out of her way.
There may be no excuse for laziness, but I'm still looking.
Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking than men spend thinking.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?
Women sometimes make fools of men, but most guys are the do-it-yourself type.
I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one.
Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don't have mow it.
I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.
I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.
If tomatoes are technically a fruit, is ketchup a smoothie?
Money is the root of all wealth.
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
3 comments:
It has some real likely chance now that Hillary Clinton is to be indicted.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/national-security/in-clinton-email-investigation-justice-department-grants-immunity-to-former-state-department-staffer/2016/03/02/e421e39e-e0a0-11e5-9c36-e1902f6b6571_story.html
Some would question why this would be the case, yet you have to remember the serious nature of this type of crime. This was someone who essentially passed around classified information cart blanche, directly from a private email server. They just passed around thousands of classified files.
So irregardless of what anybody wants to say to the contrary, this level of crime has put everybody up on the hill on edge. The elite have essentially turned on Hillary, not because they want to but because the crimes were so outrageous not a single federal employee can believe it.
Lynch convened a Grand Jury for precisely that reason....People up on the hill are very nervous about how much classified information the Clinton team was passing around, since it included everything from sensitive agents overseas to all of their personal data as well. The criminals do not even tolerate the level of security breach this was, so I'd say it goes without saying they are going to sacrifice her.
If it was up to the Elite, especially the ones in charge...They would pillory this woman at the stake tomorrow. That is how fed up the whole lot of them are with Clinton's crime, as for who else will be indicted. Because of the serious nature of this crime affecting classified information across the board, expect to see numerous indictments.
this is true....I see it more possible that Hillary is indicted.
they will just replace her at the last minute with someone like feinstein etc, since there's too many that can't stand her. the enemies she has everywhere both the good and bad, many of them will stop at nothing to take someone like that to FEMA too.
this is true.....an indictment is more than possible.
people have to remember that Hillary has too many things going against her, so I believe they'll just toss her out and replace her at the last minute. probably with feinstein or another one.
she also has too many enemies now, based on the amount of classified files she released. both good and bad, these enemies want her out of the picture including to a FEMA camp.
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