PHOTOS GLADLY CONTRIBUTED BY WALMARTIANS - COMMENTS BY?
Captain America
Few
things are more American than Walmart and a pair of pungently patriotic hot
pants. In your travels, you will undoubtedly find this character expressing his
undying love for his homeland. Our bet says he's wearing those bottoms fresh
out of the dressing room.
Cars Are Too Mainstream
Sadly, this occurs more often than you might think. If you've ever been to a Walmart in the Midwest, chances are you've seen one of these modern day cowboys. Giddy-up.
The Fashionista
Maybe
this guy just doesn't own a mirror. Maybe he does, but he just possesses more
confidence than you and your Hummer ever will. In any case, this guy's outfit
is ON POINT (considering his surroundings anyway).
The
Ink Junkie
Some
of the best tattoos in America can be found on people walking inside Walmart.
Legend says the ink disappears as soon as they leave the Walmart premises, but
there is a lack of scientific evidence to support this claim.
The
Opportunist
Shopping
isn't exactly this guy's forte. Likely he was strung along for this trip by a
friend or family member who takes WAY too long. With all that time, you have to
get creative with how to spend it. We just hope that's actually his car.
Pregame
In The Parking Lot
Where
do you go to drink when you've been kicked out of all the bars in town? The
Walmart parking lot of course! These classy gentlemen have the system figured
out. Buy beer inside, drink it outside, sleep in their cars, repeat. Not bad
for a hard day's work.
Shirtless
Joe
Apparently
Walmart doesn't have a "No shirt, no shoes, no service" policy. Thank
goodness, too! Otherwise, you might miss out on one of the classic Walmartians
of this generation. Laundry is for suckers anyway.
The
Odd Couple
Where
did these people meet? Walmart maybe? Whatever party they're attending tonight,
we want in. If it's good enough for captain cowboy AND rave girl, it's probably
going to be one we won't soon forget.
The
Pimped Out Ride
Surely
you've seen at least SOME variant of this Walmart frequent flyer. There's
always one car in the lot that has modifications so absurd that you don't even
want to park near it (think what would happen if you hit it!).
The
Time Travelers
These
guys stole Marty McFly's ride and have traveled all the way from the '80s to
deliver an important message. Mullets are dead, and no one attended the
funeral.
The
Wrecking Ball
This
guy (possibly this EXACT guy) lives at every Walmart in the country. Maybe he
was hired by the government to periodically test the load capacity of those
scooters. Maybe he just ran out of deodorant.
The
(Sort Of) Celebrity
Some
of the lesser-known celebrities out there still have to shop for themselves. Be
on the lookout for this breed though because they're always willing to strike a
pose with you in the snack aisle. Can you guess which of these people is
"famous"?
Wrong
Store Guy
What's
that? Hot Topic doesn't sell hula hoops?! Well don't let us stop you, go on and
shake what your Dark Lord gave you!
The
Wardrobe Malfunction
If
there's any person or thing that you're virtually guaranteed to see at Walmart
on this list, this is the one. Something about Walmart and copious amounts of
unsightly skin exposure just go hand in hand.
World's
Greatest Mom
We're
not doctors or anything, and we're certainly not here to pass judgment.
Somebody needs to say something to this lady though. She could get some serious
brain cancer talking on her cellphone like that.
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